Breakups and ending of relationships often leave us reeling, yet they’re rarely treated with the gravity they deserve. While society acknowledges grief after the death of a loved one, the emotional fallout of a breakup is often dismissed, minimized, or overlooked. Many of us feel compelled to "move on" or "get over them" as quickly as possible, suppressing our pain in the process. But what happens when that grief festers and is left unspoken?
As somatic grief therapists, we’ve witnessed how the emotional aftermath of a breakup can profoundly impact one’s body, mind, and spirit. This post is an invitation to honor that grief, to embrace it as part of your journey, and to empower yourself to live into your fullest expression once again.
Why Breakup Grief is Often Unspoken
Grieving the end of a relationship is an isolating form of loss, and can be complex. Unlike other types of grief, it’s rarely met with casseroles, condolence cards, or collective mourning. Instead, societal pressures often make it harder to acknowledge the depth of heartbreak. And yet, many people describe the pain of their relationship ending to feel worse then the deat of a loved one. But why is this?
Ambiguous Loss. Breakups often leave us grappling with ambiguous loss — a grief that lacks closure or clear resolution. Unlike physical losses, the person you’ve lost is still alive, creating a confusing tension between absence and presence. They may linger in social circles, memories, or digital spaces, making it difficult to fully process their departure. This ambiguity can stall healing, as we struggle to reconcile the simultaneous realities of their ongoing existence and the emotional void they've left behind. Honoring this form of loss involves acknowledging that closure isn't always possible or necessary. Instead, we can learn to live with the uncertainty and gradually loosen the grip of unresolved feelings.
Disenfranchised Grief. Breakups often evoke disenfranchised grief — a sorrow that society doesn't always recognize or validate. Unlike grief after a death, which typically receives communal support, breakup grief may be minimized, dismissed, or even judged. Well-meaning friends might urge you to "move on" or suggest that "it wasn’t meant to be," inadvertently invalidating your pain. This lack of acknowledgment can make it challenging to navigate your feelings.
Grieving a breakup means giving yourself permission to mourn without needing external validation. Your heartache is real and deserving of compassion, regardless of societal expectations or timelines.
Societal Pressures and Stigmatization. We live in a culture that glorifies independence and emotional resilience. The pervasive belief that "time heals all wounds" encourages us to push through pain rather than process it. There’s an unspoken expectation to emerge from a breakup unscathed, as though heartbreak is a minor inconvenience rather than a profound loss.
Additionally, emotional vulnerability in relationships is often stigmatized. Expressions of sadness, longing, or regret can be misconstrued as weakness. This leaves many feeling ashamed to admit they’re struggling. Instead of grieving openly, people internalize their pain, often leading to feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy.
The Impact of Unspoken Grief. When grief remains unspoken, it doesn’t dissipate—it transforms, deepens and calcifies. Suppressed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms: fatigue, tension, or even chronic pain. Emotionally, unacknowledged grief may lead to anxiety, depression, or a lingering sense of emptiness. Without an outlet, this hidden grief can also affect future relationships, making it harder to trust and connect.
Finding the Courage to Talk About It
Acknowledging your grief is the first step, but we know that talking about it can feel daunting. Breaking the silence around your pain takes courage, yet it’s one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your emotional wellbeing.
Opening Up to Friends, Family, or a Therapist. Finding the right person to talk to is key. Begin by identifying someone who makes you feel safe and supported. This might be a close friend, a family member, or a therapist. When you’re ready, share how the breakup has affected you. Be honest about your feelings, even if they’re messy or contradictory. Remember, you don’t have to have it all figured out to start the conversation.
The Benefits of Talking About Grief Openly. Talking about your grief helps to normalize your experience. It reminds you that you’re not alone and that your emotions are valid. Sharing your story can also deepen your connections with others. Vulnerability often fosters empathy, creating opportunities for meaningful support and understanding.
In therapy, exploring your grief in a safe, nonjudgmental space can be especially transformative. A skilled therapist can help you process complex emotions, identify patterns, and reconnect with your sense of self. Therapy also provides tools for navigating the physical sensations of grief, such as tension or tightness, through somatic practices like breathwork or grounding exercises.
Coping with Hidden Grief
Not everyone feels ready or able to talk about their grief right away, and that’s okay. There are many ways to honor your emotions and begin the healing process.
Alternative Forms of Expression. Sometimes, words fail to capture the depth of your pain. In these moments, alternative forms of expression can be incredibly cathartic. Consider journaling, where you can pour your thoughts and feelings onto the page without judgment. Art, too, can be a powerful medium for processing emotions—whether through painting, drawing, or even photography.
Physical activities are another valuable outlet. Movement helps to release stored emotions from the body. Practices like yoga, dance, or even a long walk can provide a sense of relief and reconnection with yourself.
And when all else fails, turn to nature. Often times the natural world can feel like the only place big enough to hold the depths and weight of what we feel.
Validating Your Feelings. One of the most important steps in coping with grief is validating your emotions. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even relieved. There is no "right" way to grieve a breakup. Each experience is unique, shaped by the depth of the relationship, the circumstances of its ending, and your personal history.
Validation also means giving yourself permission to take your time. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not a race. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises without judgment. By embracing your emotions, you pave the way for true healing.
Conclusion
Breakup grief is a profound, and it deserves to be acknowledged and honored. By finding outlets for your grief—whether through conversation, creative expression, or physical movement—you can begin to navigate this journey with compassion and courage. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and humanity.
As you move through the pain, be patient with yourself. Grieving is not about "getting over" a relationship; it’s about integrating the experience and allowing it to shape you in meaningful ways. Remember, healing isn’t about forgetting—it’s about finding freedom. And with time, support, and self-compassion, you can emerge from this chapter ready to embrace life fully once more.
Over here in our world we aren't doing grief work the way we’ve been sold, taught, and fed throughout our lives. If you’re like us, you’re ready to do it differently.
Ready to take the next step? Download Being with Grief, our f r e e workbook designed to help you redefine your relationship with loss. Inside, you'll find powerful somatic practices, meaningful rituals, and journaling prompts to support your journey.
About Us:
Weaving Grief specializes in compassionate grief therapy for individuals navigating loss of any kid, relationship transitions, chronic illness and existential questions about life and death. By addressing these profound experiences, Weaving Grief empowers clients to grieve freely and live fully. Through somatic practices and meaningful reflection, we’re here to help you navigate these tender moments and rediscover the fullness of life.
Specific areas of focus: death of a loved one (recent or past), life changing transitions, relationship transitions and break ups, pregnancy loss, grief around family planning, chronic illness, loss of Self, and supporting entrepreneurs through the grief that comes with growth.
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